Happy Mother’s Day!

I have learned that being a mom is just a lot of waiting in the end. You start waiting for nine months, in some cases you wait and wait just to get pregnant. You wait for your baby to sleep through the night, teeth to come, first steps – and then, you start waiting for them to come home at night with your car (I know, I missed a few years of waiting). Then they grow up and you wait for them to call, set up a time to come and see you, make plans. In the meantime, you respond to them, support them and do whatever you can for them. Motherhood is hard enough – remember to take care of yourself, lower your expectations and never, ever give up. You are that person in the wings who will always be there for them.

1) Our babies need us, but our teens need us more. There is a tendency to think that our babies need us the most because they are helpless little creatures. But ultimately, as our children grow into the teen years, they need our attention, our guidance, and our protection even more. It doesn’t stop when they are adults, you are a mother for the rest of your life.

2) We spend too much time comparing ourselves to other mothers who look like they have it all put together, when in reality, we all struggle, just at different times and in different ways. We also spend too much time comparing ourselves to the unrealistic expectations we had of all motherhood would be.

3) We mothers weren’t given an instruction book when we brought our children home.  We have to pause, breathe and parent from our hearts.

4) Slow down. It doesn’t all need to get done today. Spending those quality moments with our children are what create the best memories. They won’t remember the dust bunnies or the messy cabinets, but they will remember the impromptu games of hide and seek, and snuggles over reading bedtime stories.

5) You’ll be a better mother when you take care of yourself better. You can’t give what you don’t have, so if you continuously pour out to your children without filling back up, you’ll end up burned out, angry and resentful. Take time for you and your children will benefit from it.

6) Order and routine are good, the expectation of perfection is not. So often we put such pressure on ourselves as mothers to be perfect, and our children pick up on that. They internalize the angst and anxiety, and it makes it difficult for them to learn without grace for mistakes. Strive for order and routine, but let go of the idea that there is such a thing as being a perfect mother or child.

7) Extend grace to yourself and to your children in the learning. We all need a learning curve as we figure out new ages and stages. By extending grace to yourself and to your children when mistakes are made, they learn how to extend grace and forgiveness to themselves and others. That is such a valuable life lesson that is the antidote for shame and guilt.

8) Turn off the electronics and engage. In this technology-driven society, I see infants being mesmerized by screens, and young children entertaining themselves with electronics rather than learning to be creative and imaginative and engaged with others. They learn it first and foremost from us. Take the time to engage with them now, or you’ll be sad when they are older and don’t want to engage then.

9) Having less is really more. The more things we and our children have, the more we have to manage, and the more stress we feel. Realize that giving your children everything may actually not be a good thing. Then they don’t value anything (including a hard work ethic), and grow up expecting everything to be handed to them. Cardboard boxes offer hours of creative play that the latest video games will never imitate.

10) Worry less. We want to make everything right, everything easier for our children than it was for us. We want to insulate them from pain and hurt. But worrying won’t do any of that. It just teaches our children to worry.

11) Document more. We all think we are going to remember which child said the cutest things, or the little habits that endeared us to them, or the ages they met milestones. But our memories fade. Take the time to document those things in the moment. You and your children will thank you later!

12) Make dinnertime family time. As a culture, we’ve gotten away from consistent meal times together as a family. Make that a priority. It’s one of the best ways to stay connected with your child’s heart and to engage in teachable moments. And do yourself a favor from the get go: make meal times electronic-free times. Don’t answer the phone, don’t return texts, don’t sit on social media. Enjoy the presence of those around your table while they are still around your table…time goes quickly and before you know it, you’ll long for those good ole days.

13) Appreciate the normal. We know to expect hard days, and every once in a while we get to delight in the extra special days. But there is something to be said about enjoying and appreciating the plain old normal days, with the routine tasks before they are no longer a part of our days because the children have grown and moved out on their own and a new normal begins. Don’t wait for the special days to celebrate. Celebrate the normal…like rainy afternoons and family movie night on the couch.

14) Take time for spontaneity. Structure and routine are good. Normalcy helps create security. But also take time to be spontaneous. Have breakfast for dinner. Pack up lunch and take it to the park. Stop and swing on the way home from running errands. Life is short and it’s way too serious. Make time for the simple spontaneous pleasures in life. You’ll never regret it.

15) Laugh, laugh, and laugh some more. Laughter is like good medicine for the soul. So much of life is serious and planned and necessary. But don’t take everything so seriously. Instead of coming down on yourself for a burnt meal, or the children for spilling the orange juice, laugh. It helps dissipate the stress and will leave you feeling better for it.

16) Celebrate what you do well. As mothers, we won’t be and can’t be good at everything. It’s easy to focus on the list of times where we missed the mark or don’t feel like we measure up.

17) Recognize the voice you are listening to. Surround yourself with people who support you and listen and love your children.

18) Recognize your gifts for what they are.  You are a mom – that itself is a gift. Look yourself in the mirror every morning and appreciate yourself for who you are and where you are, right now, in this moment.

19) Be your child’s parent now, their friend when they are grown. Too many parents are eager to be their child’s friend but that’s to the child’s detriment when they are growing up. They need someone who loves them to teach them, to guide them, to discipline them, and to hold them responsible. When you do that for them while they are growing up, they will respect you more and want to be your friend as an adult.

20) Each child is unique in their needs, temperament, learning style, response to discipline, and preferences. You know them best and love them most. Even when it feels like you are failing, they are blessed to have you. Remember that no one can or will love your kids the way you do. Your tight hugs, the way you kiss their pain away, and how you fight fiercely to protect them can be replaced by no one!